By Ines Meneses
April 26, 2005
Here are some recommendations about protocol/social etiquette for having people over and going to other people’s homes.
In Brazil perceptions about time tend to be loser and more fluid than in North America and Europe. The fluidity of time in Brazil is visible in the work environment however it shows up more strongly in social life. So if anyone says 8, listen 8-ish. If someone invites you for dinner at 8pm, most likely they will not be ready if you arrive sharp at 8. The time that the host is expecting is usually after 8. How long after 8 depends on the person and the circumstances. One way to prevent confusion is to ask your host if they really mean that time or how late would be an acceptable delay. Even then you might not get a straight answer.
Usually a set time works more as a guideline than as a rule.
When receiving guests, be ready by the time you invited them, but be prepared for a possible (and likely) delay. Have other things to do while the guests do not arrive.
Be careful with invitations that do not have a specific date, such as “let’s meet sometime” or “let’s have lunch next week”. Many times such invitations mean an idea or desire rather than a commitment. Read it more like a tentative or possible event. If you are interested in meeting that person, contact them later and set a date. Often a person may be embarrassed to decline an invitation, so being vague about an invitation could also be a slight no. That may be very confusing for a foreigner. Anyway, don’t worry about picking up all the subtleties of indirect communication at first. When the person accepts setting a date most likely they do want to meet you.
Social life tends to be spontaneous, so it is common for people to contact each other to meet the same day, drop in, or schedule with very few days in advance.
If it is an event that involves many people – such as a barbecue – then it tends to be scheduled with a few more days in advance.
Rescheduling or even no-shows happen way more often in Brazil than in the US. To prevent that from happening, create the habit of confirming with the other person the time that you are meeting, preferably on the same day. As you meet multiple times with the same person, you will learn who has the habit of keeping their commitments (for many people the social encounter do not feel like commitments but more like intention).
Most encounters do not have a specific time to end. In large groups you may just follow the queue of when most other people leave. If you or your family are the only guests, read the body language of your hosts. Looking at the watch, tired eyes or yawning may mean that it is time to go home.
Many people do not call in advance to let you know they will be late. So if you have a specific event or day in which it is critical to leave at a certain time and you are not willing to wait, make sure that you let the other person know.
Food and drinking are a big part of social encounters.
When receiving a guest at a non-meal time (e.g. afternoon) it is considered nice to have something to munch on, such as cookies, cakes, or some special bread. Juices and sodas are a good match for the occasion. Chocolate chip cookies and muffins are foreign foods appreciated by many Brazilians.
If you are cooking a meal for your guests, consult with them about the meal you plan to make. Also, when you go for a meal in someone’s place, let them know if you have any dietary restrictions, such as lactose-intolerance, allergies, or if you are vegetarian. Communicate your dietary restriction very politely since many people are not used to even considering that some foods should not be used. Feel free to mention preferences (salads, pasta, low fat, no pepper, etc). I personally believe in adventure, trying out the unknown, including in the food arena, but if you are not comfortable exploring certain cooking territories, let your host know. It may be an awkward conversation depending on your host, but a host will be much more embarrassed if you arrive at his or her house and eat nothing (they will most likely think they were not good hosts because they did not offer you the food you like).
The above recommendations are general guidelines. The real expert will be you. You will be at the specific circumstance and through trial and error you will learn the subtleties. Chances are you will make mistakes but who cares? Just laugh it off :)